ABOUT THE BOOK

A Walk To Love

Wisdom He’s Shared with Me

My story, like many others, is one of great falls and perfect grace. After being a Christian for seven years, I find myself in a posture of pride, vulnerable to the enemy’s schemes. I’m nineteen years old, a naive Christian girl, believing men are generally good. The enemy was cunning; he knew my weaknesses and insecurities. I was not prepared for the temptations, the guilt, manipulation, and deception I would face through a very toxic relationship. Broken in sexual sin, I remember a moment of praying to the Lord, saying, “I’m ruined. I can’t go through this heartbreak, so if I can’t have You and this relationship, I choose him …”

When Paul talks in Timothy (1:20) about handing people over to the devil so they learn not to blaspheme, this was my experience of being handed over, for the darkness that ensued in my life during this seven-month relationship was a darkness I had never felt before, and by the grace of God alone, I will never feel it again. Every day was nothing but a battle of hopelessness. I knew enough of the freedom of Jesus to know that I was living in a jail cell of my own sin. I knew I had chosen this, but I was drowning in the lies of Satan through this man. I was being told constantly that I was unlovable by anyone else. “What good, caring, self-respecting man would ever want washed-up goods like you?” I felt stuck, I felt hopeless, and I wanted to be dead. Death felt like the easiest way out of the mess I had dug myself into, which was why I planned it.

By the grace of Jesus, I couldn’t carry it out. I couldn’t stop thinking of my parents and what that would do to them. Two weeks later came some shocking news about the relationship I had been in for the last seven months. This discovery ended the relationship. As much as my heart was shattered and confused, there was also a sense of relief. I still didn’t believe I had any worth, but maybe I could get away from this man. Maybe I could get closer to Jesus. I would never find a man who wanted me, but maybe I could at least be the toilet scrubber in heaven! Maybe I could at least find some forgiveness for walking away from the Lord. (Of course, my theology was all wrong in this thinking; we don’t make it to heaven because we make the right decisions or because of any of our works, but that’s a discussion for later on.) Little did I know, this was not the end but the beginning…